Thursday morning Jess and Han had to leave early for uni and work so I waved them goodbye and then went back to bed. When I awoke again I got some lunch and continued the day doing work.
I got so bored by the evening that I just had to go out. I got changed out of my pjs and went for a walk, where I inevitably ended up at the pub. It was nice to get out and not worry about work which I'm behind on :/
This morning I woke up at 6.30, I was up before the sun! I felt like I was dreaming I was so tired. I made my way to the doctors as my mom had booked me an early appointment thinking I had uni, which I didn't. When I got home I got straight back into the warmth of my bed and got some more sleep. I then spent the day doing uni work and helping my mom cook dinner.
Then something wonderful happened, my father came home :/
I thought all had been going ok between us recently, I don't talk to him, he doesn't talk to me, I just nod and smile and try to stay out of his way. But for some unknown reason he has been in a fucking foul mood the past couple of days. My mom is so ill at the moment and she does her best to keep him happy, he refused to eat dinner the other night because it wasn't cooked the way he likes. She tries so hard but he is so fucking ungrateful and just throws it back at her and she is too afraid to say anything back to him, it brakes my heart to know she is unhappy with him.
Situation this evening: I was doing uni work in my room, mom asks if I could help her tidy up, I said I had just painted my nails but I had got up anyways and was going downstairs to help her. I heard my dad in the kitchen shouting at mom saying how soft she is with me and that I'm pathetic and that he wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire. I mean come on! You don't fucking say that about your daughter, you shouldn't say that about anyone. I have never felt so upset before, I went in and said to him great fucking fathering skills, real fucking mature. To be perfectly honest I don't consider him a father anymore. I haven't done in a long time. I used to just call him Ian but I find that weird now my bf is called Ian. I don't know what I can say to him to make him happy, I tried so hard at school and now with uni and I thought that would make him proud, but no! He said today that my uni work doesn't matter, I should be helping my mom and finding a job. Is he fucking retarded! I have spent the whole day helping my mom and I'm trying so hard at uni so I can get a good degree and get a better job. I don't understand what I have done to him to make him be like this.
It's scary how much I hate him, I worry sometimes about what I would do to him if he pushed me too far.
I'm sorry for being to cynical and depressive but I just wish people could see him for what he is truly like.
No comments:
Post a Comment