Welcome 2011

Where do I start?! So much has changed and happened this year. I feel like I have grown up so much and become a lot more aware of where I hope my life will take me. I am now at uni which seems so surreal, I completed all of my Alevels with... ok results, I'm now 18 and I have developed and kept relationships with people I hope to keep in my life for a long time.

• Drinking buddy of the year? - Has to be Dain. I have spent quite a bit of the year down the Load with various people and I always ended up on drinking a lot more than intended thanks to Dain.
  


• Newest friend? - Jason. Although we have been acquaintances for a few years I feel that he has truly become a good friend now due to many drunken nights out and Vfestival chats.
  


• Best night out? - This is so difficult! There have been so many this year, since I turned 18 I have been down a pub pretty much every single weekend and even weekdays. Maybe Becky's 18th as that was a brilliant. I always enjoy a night down the Treaty, especially at rock night so it would probably be a night spent there.
  


• High point of the year? - Definitely seeing the Prodigy front row at Vfestival. One of my favourite bands and they were immense live :) Also would have to say celebrating a year being with Ian. Although I was ill on the day we still had an amazing time. He has been a huge part of my life this year and I'm so grateful for everything he has done for me. He has encouraged me to do the things I love and to be myself.
  


• Low point of the year? - Not getting an A in Art Alevel. Felt so shit when I didn't get that grade but I still got onto the course I wanted so not all is bad.
  


• Best holiday? - Egypt. 10 days seeing beautiful things that have always interested me. Travelling on a boat down the Nile. Going to places I could never of imagined and being able to tell people I threw up in the most famous temple in Egypt :)
  


• Any regrets? - I could have tried harder during my exams and done more revision but I did ok so I don't regret that too much. I do wish I had tried to connect more with people at uni. Now that we have been there a while, people are developing close relationship whereas I still feel pretty distant from most people.
  


• Most loyal friend? - Jess and Hannah. I can't choose between them. They have both been there for me in times where I really needed someone. They will always listen to me ramble on about anything and everything and they always give me good advice. I love them so much and I hope we stay friends for a long, long time :)
  

• Biggest change of the year? - SO much has changed this year! I can now legally drink, I have finally left Uxbridge High school and I really feel I have matured a lot.
  


• What are your plans for next year? - Hopefully get onto the silversmithing, glassblowing and ceramics jewellery course at Bucks. Move out and get a flat in High Wycombe (fingers crossed with han). Get my tattoo and save up enough money to go on holiday.

If looks could kill

Yesterday I cant really recall what I did in the day :/ In the evening I met up with a few friends and went to the Met. Later we moved onto to the Good Yarn as there were seats and one of my amazing friends Ashley, who I haven't seen since he went to uni. Was brilliant to catch up with him. My friends discussed what they were going to to for new years as unfortunately I'm not spending it with them this year as I'm going to the load with Ian and various other epic people. I left fairly early and went home to sit on my laptop until my eyes felt like they were melting.
Today I literally did nothing during the day, I sat in my dressing gown watching endless episodes of Black Books.


I had crispy duck for dinner which was rather lovely. Faye then texted me in the evening and offered me company over a few pints which I eagerly accepted as I was getting incredibly bored. We headed to the Met and met up with Ian and some of his fellow acquaintances, Ben was also there who I haven't seen in a while, he was rather drunk but was good seeing him again.
I do love talking to Faye, shes so open and honest about everything and a great laugh. The evening was ok, muffled slightly by the presence of a certain someone I would rather not have seen and received wonderfully foul looks from, but fuck it, her loss, my gain.

Christmas x2

Monday evening was rather lovely. Jess and Han come over and we stuffed ourselves with pizza, drank lots of malibu, watched some movies and had wonderful slightly drunken chats :)


Tuesday I got up and helped my parents around the house for a bit. I then had a mega shopping spree online and brought some gorgeous new things, can't wait until they arrive!
I then went to Ian's for like a second christmas. We watched Wall-e with his family and opened some presents. His parents got me a huge box of lovely soapy smellies and a La senza voucher :)
The dinner was so scrumptious! We had a fish pie for starter, then duck in like a cherry and port sauce and toffee cake for desert, yummmy! We then spent the rest of the evening playing on the Wii which was great fun :)

Merry Christmas

So as most of you know, it was Christmas day Saturday. I had a nice long lie in but then the anticipation got the better of me and I jumped out of bed and woke my parents. We had bagels for breakfast which was rather nice and we watched telly for a bit. We then opened our presents. I got a large woolen jumper, t-shirt, socks, chocolate and mainly money. My dad then surprised my mom and I by bringing in a huge box. We tore it open and to our amazement it contained a wii fit! The majority of the day was then spent playing on it, drinking snowball cocktails and baileys and eating large quantities of roast dinner and mince pies.


Yesterday was boxing day so Ian came over which was lovely. We watched many christmas films, the Grinch, Muppet's christmas carol and Santa's slay :)
We had a nice dinner and watched Dr Who together. We spent the evening laying in bed watching telly and scoffing our christmas sweets.


When we eventually got out of bed today we made our way into a very busy Uxbridge town. I got a few things from the Topshop sale and we had a look round the shops. We then went our separate ways. Jess and Han are coming over tonight for pizza and movies which I am very much looking forward to :)
It was a quiet christmas this year, wish it could of been spent with family and friends but oh well.

Bah, humbug!

(Source)

Really not in the mood for christmas right now. I was but now my christmas has been "cancelled" :( Both my parents are ill so they don't want to infect the rest of my family and my grandad doesn't want to drive from Kent because of the snow, so we aren't having a big family get together like we usually do which is sad, instead it will be me and my sick parents watching endless films and eating, I will probably get drunk and end up falling asleep.

Tuesday evening was great fun, got mega drunk at the Met and ended up having the greatest walk home ever. Murray, Lawson, Ian and I decided to have a huge snow ball fight and play about in a play park, woke up in the morning with lots of bruises and an aching body though.
Wednesday I cleaned at the Load for a few hours. In the evening I met up with some friends and went to Pizza express which was mega yummy. When we finished we went to the Met and Yarn for a few drinks. Jess, Han and I all swapped presents, Jess got me a russian doll ornament and note pad and Hannah got me some elephant earrings, I do love them two :)
After the pub I went to Ian's, Rea and Lee where there playing xbox so I watched and made some tea.
Thursday I did the cleaning at Ian's. After we spent the afternoon watching season 1 of Misfits. I then went home and got ready to go to the Met yet again. I had an ok time there, had a fair bit to drink which is when things got bad. Ian and I had a massive argument, felt so shit, just wanted to curl into a ball. Shouting at each other in the middle of the street was not how I wanted the evening to end, I felt like I was on an episode of Jeremy Kyle. I hate alcohol when it makes your emotions run high and get aggressive. We eventually went back to Ian's, his mom looked after me for a bit and reassured me on some stuff. Just don't feel like I can talk to anyone really as no one knows the whole story so wouldn't understand :(
When we woke up in the morning Ian just said to forget about it all, which didn't really make it better as nothing was resolved but I don't want to keep arguing, especially on christmas eve so I just brushed it under the carpet. We spent the rest of the day watching films, drinking tea and Ian made me pasta for dinner.

Let it snow

Saturday I got up nice and early and got ready to go to Ian' s to do the cleaning. It had snowed heavily the night before and the land of Uxbridge was a winter wonderland. I took my camera on the walk and got some lovely photos.


I understand why people don't like the snow, it disrupts travel plans and is hard to get about, but everything becomes so peaceful and pretty, I love it!


Once I got to Ian's I was soaked and my runny nose wasn't very pleasant so Sue said I could do the cleaning another day which was very nice of her :)
So instead Ian and I played out in the snow and made snow men, they were awesome!


We spent the evening eating aromatic duck and Ben & Jerry's ice cream :)
Sunday we lazed about and watched Going the distance which was pretty good, I do love Justin Long and Drew Barrymore. We then returned to mine to scoff a wonderful roast dinner. When we finished we got ready and made our way to the Load where we were met by Dain and Rea, haven't seen him in ages so it was good to catch up. It was a really good night with many funny conversations and some good company.
I had a very long lie in the next day, when I eventually got up I made my way into town to finish my christmas shopping. It took a while but I got everything. I bumped into Ricky so we got some food and had a little catch up which was nice.
When I got home I made some dinner for my mom and I and (without giving too much away) started making Jess and Han's presents. Ian came over in the evening and we snuggled up in bed and watched The Holiday :)
After Ian departed this morning I finished making the presents and watched some television. I'm going to the Met in bit which I'm looking forward to. Can't believe it's 4 days til christmas!!

Feeling crappy

This morning I woke up in a mega rush. Jess had already texted me an hour prior but I had fallen back to sleep, so I awoke to a call that informed me she was about a minuet away. I sprang into action and was still putting on clothes when she arrived, luckily she didn't mind, she's seen it all before anyway :)
We then spent a few hours eating some wonderful cookies she had made and brought over, drinking tea and watching the snow fall.


After she left I completed my UCAS and sent it off. I feel so much happier now it's all done with, just have to wait for the responses. I will have to go for interviews though and show my portfolio which is a bit annoying and I get so nervous over things like that :(
In the evening I made my way to the Met, didn't really feel up to going as I still feel so crappy but Louis was back from uni and I wanted to see him.
It was good to see people but the evening wasn't very spectacular so we left really early and had a fun encounter with a man so intoxicated he thought the bus we were on was a cab and insisted the driver was stupid and didn't the right way :)

Christmas brake

Today was possibly one of the best days I have had at uni. It was my last day before we broke up for Christmas and I did no work :)
Alex and Dan had brought all the girls cheap Barbies as a joke Christmas present and we spent the whole day destroying them and putting them in funny positions and photocopying our faces :)


When I returned home I had some nice dinner that my mom made and then settled down with a glass of baileys and watched How to loose a guys in 10days.
I'm now watching Misfits and I'm quite annoyed as it's changed, I'm not sure how exactly, it's trying to be too funny, there's not as much action as there was in the first series and it's just not the same anymore, still going to watch it though :)

Still ill

Well I'm still ill, just can't seem to get better, wish my blooming body would man up.
I did feel well enough to go to the Load and do the cleaning though which was good as I have now got some more money :) It was quite good and Dain didn't make me work too hard as he knew I was ill.
I then came home had some dinner and napped for a few hours, which I shouldn't of done as I now feel more tired that before.
These are some photos I took a few weeks ago on a small I had.

In sickness and in health

Friday evening I managed to man up and make my way to the pub. I met up with Danny, John, Dain and Sam and we had a few drinks and a catch up. I was still feeling really crappy so wasn't very lively. Ian arrived a little later so I finished my drink and we headed to mine. As it was past 12 we decided that it was ok to bestow each other with our anniversary presents. Ian got me an electronic photo frame which he had filled with all the photos of us from the past year ♥
When we awoke on Saturday I was feeling even more groggy than I had before :( We had a bacon sandwich and cup of tea and watched some episodes of Castle and Fringe. We decided that as I was feeling so crappy we would postpone our meal out for another night when I could fully appreciate it. So instead we went to Ian's, ordered pizza and watched Mrs Doubtfire. Ian let me sleep in the double bed on my own as I was all groggy and needed my space, so he tucked me in and let me pass out.
In the morning he woke me up and provided me with tea, I was still feeling so crappy so I spent the majority of the day in my pj's sat on his sofa watching documentaries with him. After a wonderful roast his mom had made I had enough strength to go back to mine and watch 2012. We watched this because it was the film we watched on our first date :)
The next morning I had set my alarm normal time to go to uni but I was still feeling so shit that I decided not to go in and went back to sleep instead. Later on Ian and I awoke again but he had to leave to get on with some work. I then spent the day resting and feeling like I was about to cough up a lung :(
Today I have taken another day off as I am still not feeling any better. I'm surrounded by a pile of tissues and Vicks inhalers shoved up my nose, not a pretty sight I can tell you.
Hopefully I will be better by tomorrow so I can do cleaning and then Thursday is my last day of uni before I brake up for christmas!
So although the weekend didn't go to plan it was still rather nice, I got to spend an amazing 4 days with Ian and he was so lovely looking after me :)

15 days!

Today I woke up feeling pretty groggy. My throat was swollen and I sounded as if I was a teenage boy with a breaking voice. I dosed up on cough mixture and helped my mom do some shopping. When we got home we put up the christmas decorations and listened to christmas songs :)


In the evening Ian popped over quickly to see me before he had to depart to go to a gig. He is coming back later to stay over but it was nice to see him for a bit.
I think I might go out to the pub in a bit but it's so cold outside I just want to stay snuggled up inside, but I am quite bored :(

Hurry up weekend

Really looking forward to this weekend, mainly because it's 4 days I get to spend with Ian celebrating our year anniversary :) Can't believe how fast this year has gone!
Today was pretty good. Went into uni, did about 2 hours of work and then got incredibly bored. It was my friend, Alex's birthday today so him, a few friends and myself went to the noodle bar for lunch, it was really nice. I decided not to go back to uni as I could just do more work at home doing research.
Once I got home I did the complete opposite, I made tea and watched telly with my mom. I did look up some ideas and print them out but that's about it. Pretty naughty as I wont have time to do any work over the weekend :/
I also curled my hair as I haven't done it in a while but my hair went more afro than curly :)


Some good news, Dain has asked me to work every week at the Load doing cleaning, so hopefully that will keep my dad off my back for a bit, until he finds something else to complain about.

Day Old Hate

Well Monday night I ended up at the pub as I just couldn't stay in any longer. It was a nice evening actually and I got to forget about stuff for a while which was good.
Yesterday I was back at uni which was a better day, still felt very distant but got my new project which I am rather excited about :)
I met up with Ricky at lunch for a Starbucks.

Haven't seen him a while so it was lovely to catch up. He then had to depart as he had lecture so I hopped on the bus and made my way home.
Later I went to the load and met up with Danny and his boyfriend John, who seems very nice but can't hold his alcohol :) We had some nice chats and huddled around the fire to keep warm.
Today I had off uni so I got a lovely lie in. Jess popped over at lunch, we ate some pizza and she listened to me babble on about my problems. I love how similar we are when it comes to our lives, relationships and emotions, it makes me feel less like I'm over reacting because she reassures me she would do the same, which is nice to know :)
Dain then asked me if I would like to do some cleaning at the pub as he knows that my dad is still on my back about getting a job so I quickly accepted his offer. I did a few hours of work and it was quite fun, well as fun as cleaning stale beer off tables can be.
I have been spending the evening listening to City and Colour on repeat, painting my nails and laying in bed with the cat on my lap :)

(Cutest kitten ever!! By Molly Hare)

Double Treaty

Saturday was pretty darn good. I met up with Jess, Han, Jason and Jacob at the Met where we promptly started drinking. When others arrived we moved onto the Treaty where a lot more alcohol was consumed. W moshed a bit and many funny photos were taken. Unfortunately many people had to leave early for various reasons which was very upsetting and the night, for my self, died down a bit. I then had a very sober walk home in the cold with the very drunk James and Ian, stopping off at Metro pizza on the way for a burger, naturally.


Sunday was a very thrilling day consisting of me doing pretty much nothing. I sat in my dressing gown all day and watched telly.
Today has been shit. My bus this morning just didn't turn up so I had to sit at the freezing bus stop for over an hour listening to a very smelly man complain about the public transport. Then when I got uni I had no real idea of what we were doing and then when I found out I had no ideas :/
Now I'm home, as soon as I got in my dad started on me for no apparent reason other than he was in a bad mood so every things therefore my fault.

I'm also feeling pretty distant from people at uni too. I don't feel like I have made friends that will stay in contact after this year, which is really depressing because I thought I was getting on well with them initially. Everyone has clicks now but I don't feel I fit properly into any of them. I hate the feeling of worrying whether I will actually have someone to sit with at lunch, I feel like such a fricking loner. Hopefully I'm going out with some people this Thursday but I just feel that the only way I connect properly with people is if I'm out drinking with them.
I'm so happy to Jess and Hannah still around. They are the greatest friends friends I could have ever imagined and I love them so much, miss seeing them everyday like at school though, miss seeing everyone everyday!
Also really missing Ian, I know I only saw him the other day but he is so busy with uni I feel I can't talk to him properly, I don't want to lug him down with all my problems too. It's our year anniversary next month and I'm so happy we have lasted so long, I hope we can carry on this strong.
What with missing people and home life being so shit I feel I have no where I can really be happy, I just want to go away for a while, somewhere nice, like the coast or in a tiny cottage b&b but for the meantime I shall have to resort to the pub.

Jelly shots

Well after the domestic last night I decided I had to get out of the house so I descended on the pub. Hannah soon joined me to comfort me which was lovely of her. Her, Dain and I then went to the Treaty where we spent the evening watching Blind Bandannas play and failing at trying to consume a jelly shot.
Today I was feeling pretty rough in the morning but soon felt less like a zombie when I got some tea inside me. I then did cleaning for Sue which has provided me with more money for this evenings shenanigans taking place at the Treaty again for Rock night :)

I found this site with the cutest drawings by Mike Lowery!

Nice while it lasted

Wednesday was a really nice day. I woke up early and headed to High Wycombe with my mom. We had a wonderful time doing loads of shopping. I got some amazing bargains and we had a lovely lunch in an American style diner. When we got home I did a bit of work before Jess and Han came over. We had the ever delicious shredded gammon for dinner and then we got changed into our onesies. We scoffed our faces with pringles and popcorn and watched Little Nicky and The hole. Danny popped over for a little bit, I think he was a bit shocked to say the least seeing us all dressed as babies but we had a cup of tea and nice chat.


Thursday morning Jess and Han had to leave early for uni and work so I waved them goodbye and then went back to bed. When I awoke again I got some lunch and continued the day doing work.
I got so bored by the evening that I just had to go out. I got changed out of my pjs and went for a walk, where I inevitably ended up at the pub. It was nice to get out and not worry about work which I'm behind on :/
This morning I woke up at 6.30, I was up before the sun! I felt like I was dreaming I was so tired. I made my way to the doctors as my mom had booked me an early appointment thinking I had uni, which I didn't. When I got home I got straight back into the warmth of my bed and got some more sleep. I then spent the day doing uni work and helping my mom cook dinner.

Then something wonderful happened, my father came home :/
I thought all had been going ok between us recently, I don't talk to him, he doesn't talk to me, I just nod and smile and try to stay out of his way. But for some unknown reason he has been in a fucking foul mood the past couple of days. My mom is so ill at the moment and she does her best to keep him happy, he refused to eat dinner the other night because it wasn't cooked the way he likes. She tries so hard but he is so fucking ungrateful and just throws it back at her and she is too afraid to say anything back to him, it brakes my heart to know she is unhappy with him.

Situation this evening: I was doing uni work in my room, mom asks if I could help her tidy up, I said I had just painted my nails but I had got up anyways and was going downstairs to help her. I heard my dad in the kitchen shouting at mom saying how soft she is with me and that I'm pathetic and that he wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire. I mean come on! You don't fucking say that about your daughter, you shouldn't say that about anyone. I have never felt so upset before, I went in and said to him great fucking fathering skills, real fucking mature. To be perfectly honest I don't consider him a father anymore. I haven't done in a long time. I used to just call him Ian but I find that weird now my bf is called Ian. I don't know what I can say to him to make him happy, I tried so hard at school and now with uni and I thought that would make him proud, but no! He said today that my uni work doesn't matter, I should be helping my mom and finding a job. Is he fucking retarded! I have spent the whole day helping my mom and I'm trying so hard at uni so I can get a good degree and get a better job. I don't understand what I have done to him to make him be like this.
It's scary how much I hate him, I worry sometimes about what I would do to him if he pushed me too far.
I'm sorry for being to cynical and depressive but I just wish people could see him for what he is truly like.